NC Spring kind of Faith

I would like to believe that Spring has finally sprung on beautiful 70 degree days like today but then I remember I live in NC where the weather is unpredictable.  Speaking of “unpredictable”…this word has become part of our daily vocab list.  I must admit that I’m not very comfortable with this word because its very essence implies the possibility of chaos…the kind of chaos that requires a deep rooted trust in a Sovereign Father whose eyes see into eternity while I crane my neck to see around the next bend in the road.  

I used to like playing limbo.  I used to roller skate and pull all-nighters and limbo would be one of the activities of the night.  Limbo on skates.  That was physically challenging during my middle school days.  I’d probably break a bone (or several) if I tried it today.  But when I stop to think about it, I’m still playing limbo on skates…emotionally.

It’s no secret that our ministry context is wrought with security risks right now.  I won’t go into detail here (inbox me for more info) but let’s just say our presence in our village context is a conscious decision to be in harm’s way.  This is not a decision we take lightly.  We understand the implications and still, we are called to go.  Until God closes that door, as only He can, we will go. So in faith, we purchased return tickets to do just that…on June 27th!  YAY!

So why the limbo?  Why the back and forth of decisions and emotions?  The only thing we can say with certainty right now is that God has called us to reach the Bolon. They need to hear the Gospel.  It’s comforting to know that God wants that to happen even more than we do!  But there are cloudy days of doubt.  Is returning now the right decision?  Should we delay and wait for things to “calm down” over there?  (I’m not sure that’s in the forecast…ever.)  Should we be doing this with kids?  And it’s on these days that I find myself going back to my calling to steady my feet.  I find myself begging God for a glimpse around that curve in the road.

On other days, I’ve got blinders on.  I’m focused on the prize and the noises of doubt are silenced by little nudges in my spirit.  I hear Him whisper, “I’ve got this! I’ve brought you this far, I’m not gonna fail you now.  Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.  My plans for you haven’t changed.”

Ok, Lord.  I hear you.  Help me to obey…today.  But could you set an alarm and remind me again tomorrow please?

God often speaks to me through music.  And this past week I was asking God for a confirmation, a nod that we’re headed in the right direction…a Divine high five so to speak. And God being God, faithfully right on time, He met me at a Christian music concert and flooded my soul with affirmation.  Here are the lyrics that spoke to me:

When fear feels bigger than my faith
And struggles steal my breath away

When my back’s pressed up against the wall
With the weight of my worries stacked up tall
You’re strong enough to hold it all

(CHORUS)  I will cast my cares on You
You’re the anchor of my hope
The only one who’s in control
I will cast my cares on You
I’ll trade the troubles of this world
For Your peace inside my soul

*This war’s not what I would’ve chosen
But You see the future no one knows yet*

And there’s still good when I can’t
See the working of Your hands
You’re holding it all

CHORUS

I’m finding there’s freedom
When I lay it all on Your shoulders

Cast my cares
I will
Cast my cares
I will
Cast my cares on You

Ok, God…I’m listening.  I hear you.  I don’t have to see around the next bend.  I can rest in knowing that YOU are seeing.  Your shoulders are wide enough to carry the weight of our decisions.  Help my faith to be bigger than my fears.  The lyrics from another song God recently used to speak to me were these from Elevation Worship — “Do It Again”:

Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I’m still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You’ve never failed me yet

Hopefully in June, by the time we’re all packed and ready to fly out, we’ll have heard to results from a meeting(s) that will bring some clarity to our situation.  Until then, and long after, I will cast my cares on Him, resting confidently in His sovereignty and love for the Bolon.