While I lean more towards the performance arts than the visual arts…I by no means consider myself an artist. But over the years I’ve grown to learn what I like and dislike.
If I had to describe my visual artistic style…I’d have to go with geometric. I like things orderly and evenly spaced. When things match, it makes me happy. I like closed shapes. They have a beginning and and end. I don’t do well with abstract art. I don’t like guessing at what I’m looking at. Trying to determine the artist’s motivation stresses me out.
Where am I going with this? Often in music and poetry we are described as being God’s canvas, His clay, His tapestry, etc. He is our painter, our potter, our weaver, and so forth. Over this last year or two I have come to the frustrating conclusion that His artistic style is ABSTRACT. At this part in my journey, He is using an art form that leaves me guessing. In this chapter of my book, I feel like the Author is communicating in dangling participles. I’m at loss when it comes to figuring out what shape He’s squishing this ol’ lump of clay into.
Believe me…I want to be moldable clay. My heart longs to let go of the brush. My head screams, “Cling to gratitude!”
I close my eyes and return to those God moments where I felt like I understood the outline of my life. Those landmarks along the way where God Himself turned the pages of our ministry, leading us with a purpose that only He can give.
Sigh. I don’t want to be frustrated with crooked lines or splattered abstracts. I don’t want to impatiently wait for the next chapter to begin as if I control the narrative.
And this is where I find myself TODAY.
I’m becoming more aware that my emotions (or hormones perhaps at my age) along with my rationale are cyclical. I find myself feeling the same myriad of emotions that lead me to the same Bible truths, seated in God’s character. Some frustration usually gets to me to asking the Omniscient One for a glimpse down the road, for a sign we’re headed in the right direction…for proof that He’s not done with us yet! Sometimes this Doubting Thomas just needs to touch the nail-scarred hands!
But we’re not promised the answers to our why-questions, nor are we promised that things are always gonna work out the way we think they should. God doesn’t owe us a glimpse into our future or some evidential burden of proof that will heal scars and bind wounds, somehow making our sacrifice “worth it all”.
What He does offer us are promises that He will always keep. He will never leave or forsake us. His Holy Spirit will comfort us. One day, every tear will be wiped away. All things WILL work out for HIS glory.
Self, listen up! The next time your emotional rollercoaster rolls up and you hop in (yet again) don’t freak out if you can’t see the tracks or if you’re tired of going in circles. Remember that the Covenant Keeper will never let you run out of track. He will lead and accompany you to the finish line. From the beginning to the end.
So Self…just “Enjoy the Journey”!